he’s actually really outgoing, he’s just reserved when it comes to things like showing affection and his feelings fully haha. And I never really knew if he was for me, because he was actually a player-type guy when I met him (story coming soon, since in this tumblr break I’ll have free time to write about it) but then a year after we met, he started talking to me again and he began to open up to me a lot about his life and his spiritual journey also, and then there was a breaking point in which he gave up the one thing that was really holding him away from God (we all have that thing, for him it was his electro/trance/club music, and music is naturally a really powerful tool on your mind consciously and subconsciously) and literally that one day, I watched all his walls come down and his eyes were opened, and ever since then his entire life was different. It was amazing to see God at work so gloriously. And then he was the one that wanted to pray and ask God whether or not we were for each other, and when God answered us yes we went from there. We were both being chiselled, and chiselling each other (iron sharpens iron) and we just continued to grow in godliness together. There were a lot of trials we went through, a lot of characteristics that neither one of us should’ve had as children of God, and God just continued to work in our hearts and in us. I really wasn’t looking at all when he came back into my life, and I was actually mad that he came back because I just wanted to pursue God with no distractions, but God used him to draw me even closer to Him and to know Him in so many more ways than I could’ve expected for myself. All in all, there is no real formula for what the one should be like, or is like. For some it’s a process, for others it’s all of a sudden, for all of us it’s a constant journey of one step at a time. We need to walk day by day, fixing our eyes on Jesus, and He will lead us wherever we need to be. We don’t need to have it all figured out, we just need to have Him.
I think for me it’s time for a hiatus from social media. Mainly tumblr. I’ve mentioned before, I’m in a season of learning and I am constantly falling and needing His arms to hold me up, and I need my eyes to be fixed on Him alone. So, I’ll be gone for a little while. Maybe a week or two, maybe a month or more. I’m not sure, but I’m sure that I need this. I will still be active on instagram (@denisapetean, @redeemedphotography and @brewinbros) with little updates here and there, but mainly I just need to dive back into His Word and His presence and letting my heart fall out through words on a page written to Him and no longer on my public blog (for this break time). So, see you all later, and I love all of you friends. If you would keep me in your prayers during this time, that would be so ridiculously amazing and powerful. Thank you. (and likewise if anyone needs prayer, flood my inbox tonight and I will write you down in my prayer journal and will pray for you continually throughout this break time.)
I definitely agree with you, I think that this is a little peek into his character and what he might want out of you. I would suggest that you be really careful, and even consider just letting go of this guy. But, I would also suggest that you first tell him all of this, exactly what you think of his invitation and what you expect out of him, and see how he reacts to that.
I can’t imagine how hard that was for you to go through. Prayer is really really powerful. It’s our connection to God, in a personal, private way. Reading His Word and getting to know Him more through that is just as powerful, and the two go together, but prayer is definitely something more intimate and personal, and it’s a really really good habit to have. I’d definitely encourage you to do it, focus your heart and your mind on Him, and just talk to Him. About anything and everything, and after you do, rest in quiet for a little while, and let Him speak to you if He chooses, and if not, rest in the comfort of His nearness anyways. He is there, and He wants to show Himself to you. It’s not for no reason that you have these incredible desires to know Him more, especially through prayer. I am praying for you friend, and if you’d like to talk more you are welcome to come off anon and we can talk privately too :) God bless you.
me too, friend. And our friend apostle paul felt it too, in Romans 7 he talks about it a whole lot, here’s a little excerpt.
"For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing…For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from gthis body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!”
Christ delivered us, and Christ will deliver us still. Mourn your sin, allow your heart to grieve, but take refuge in Christ again, and know that He has set you free, so walk in the freedom you are given. And when you fall again, and when I fall again, we can grieve, and we can let Christ hold us and our tears still, and let Him take us by the hand and show us again, the road of freedom in Him.
..though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
for the Lord upholds his hand.